Friday, September 18, 2009

It Doesn't Suck

My vacuum.

It must've taken one last look at my intensely shedding canine, and decided to surrender.  I'm going to contact the local school to see if they'll send over a kid from the band to play Taps when I set the vacuum out on the curb.  That machine served so valiantly.  For years it braved tumbleweeds of disembodied dog fur, cobwebs galore via the hose attachment, sand, flora tracked and/or dragged in by said shedder.  Not to mention the recent... incident involving the diatomaceous earth.

I had to borrow a friend's vacuum yesterday.  Upon surveying the scene he suggested a rake might be a more suitable tool for the job.

I used to wish that the dog would run the sweeper at least every now & again due to the fact that she created the constant need for all the sweeping.  She is so stubborn about learning to use a doormat that I imagined teaching her anything else would be easier.  However, (and this just sounds way too impossibly good to be true) I have heard of the existence of a vacuum that runs all by itself.  How could this be?!  Had Cinderella known about this- she may have wanted one of those instead of the prince!  I'm going to look into these robo-vacs.  I'm giddy just at the idea of it!  Who invented such a wonderful thing?  I may look into that too! 


  1. This title made me laugh. Someone said that very comment to me at an art show. He thought he was so cool, all tatted from head to toe looking when he told me "your art doesn't suck" I laughed about it for days and now it's one of my all time favorite lines. Did I already tell you this story at the Pannikin?

    I am very sorry about your vacuum. It's strange, mine broke on the same day. Something must have happened, planets got unaligned, zapping the crap out of appliances. I know have a new one that i've fallen madly in love with.

  2. I'm wondering how good princes really are at vacuuming. ...But why cast aspersions, right?